The Ceremony

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My favourite part of the whole wedding night–and obviously the most important part–was the ceremony. Carlo and I asked our friend David Pescovitz to be the officiant because both of us wanted to be married by someone who knew us and could speak honestly about our relationship. We also wanted to write our own vows and I wanted the ceremony to be more than a property transaction [Feminist Alex comes out]

David went above and beyond our expectations to write a beautiful ceremony that really captures our relationship and what it meant for us to get married after so many years of being together. Thanks David!

Anyway, here it is since we had such a small wedding and I know some of our friends and extended family would have loved to be there.

David: Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of each other to join Alex Codlin and Carlo Longino in matrimony, which is commended to be honorable among all people; and therefore, is not to by any to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, and solemnly. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.

OK, I’m glad nobody spoke up, because the Web site where I borrowed that bit from didn’t say what to do if anyone did. But everything I said is true. It may sound like I’m taking this lightly, but I’m not, and neither are Alex and Carlo. But this isn’t a traditional wedding either. You see, Carlo and Alex in many ways have already been sharing the experience of what it means to be married. In all the years I’ve known them they’ve demonstrated a level of commitment and care for each other that should be an inspiration to all of us.

So if, for all intent and purpose, Carlo and Alex are already married, why are we here? Why didn’t they just hit one of those drive-through chapels in Vegas? I asked them that question when we first talked about this ceremony and this was their answer: “We waited a long time to get married. And because of that, there are many people besides us who are invested in our relationship. So today is about our friends and family as much as it is about us.” And they told me how fortunate they feel that their friends and family have traveled very far, from across the pond even, to be here today. And we are grateful too, that Alex and Carlo have chosen to share their love for one another with all of us

With love as the theme of the day, we’re honored that Carlo’s mom, Suzie Longino, will now read “Love” by Roy Croft.

Suzie:

I love you,
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.

I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.

I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;
I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can’t help
Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find.

I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple;
Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.

I Love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good,
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.

You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.

David: Thank you, Suzie.

When I got the news of Carlo and Alex’s engagement, in the form of a text message of course, the first thing that popped into my head was “Finally!” As they said, there are a lot of people who have been waiting for this day for a long time. So why now? Why today?

The last year has been a time of change for these two. Back in Austin, where they met and developed their relationship, they had their own lives, their own friends, and their own routines. They were fiercely independent, even though they were a strong couple. Moving to Las Vegas changed their perspective though. They told me that suddenly it was Carlo, Alex, and Boo the cat against the world. They realized how much they relied on and supported each other. And they found joy in that. They realized that their life was already what they wanted life to be. Together.

With that in mind, Alex’s mom Ann Codlin will read “You’ll Never Walk Alone.” This song, immortalized by the Liverpool Football Club, has special significance for both Alex and Carlo. Alex says it’s played at almost all Codlin family special occasions, making it the official Codlin family anthem. And coincidentally, Liverpool is Carlo’s favorite football club too. Ann?

Ann:

When you walk through a storm
hold your head up high
And don’t be afraid of the dark.
At the end of a storm is a golden sky

And the sweet silver song of a lark.
Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Tho’ your dreams be tossed and blown.

Walk on, walk on with hope in your heart
And you’ll never walk alone,
You’ll never, ever walk alone.
Walk on, walk on with hope in your heart

And you’ll never walk alone,
You’ll never, ever walk alone.

David: Alex told me recently that she felt uncomfortable calling Carlo her boyfriend or even her fiancee, It sounds impermanent, she said, and they already planned to be together for the rest of their lives. Marriage, she said, is a way to formally recognize their love for each other in a defining moment, a moment of permanence.

Indeed, this is not young love. They have spent nearly a decade working on their relationship and growing closer and falling even more in love. So in many ways, the single moment when one of them proposed marriage to the other isn’t as momentous as the time leading up to right now. It’s been an 8-year-long proposal to each other. And their answer, I’m hoping, is yes. Let’s find out.

Carlo, do you take Alex to be your wife – to be faithful to her, to stay with her in mind, body and heart, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, as long as you both shall live?

Carlo: I do.

Alex, do you take Carlo to be your husband – to be faithful to him, to stay with him in mind, body and heart, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, as long as you both shall live?

Alex: I do.

And as a symbol of the unbroken circle of love, Alex and Carlo will exchange rings. May I please have the rings?

Carlo rings Alex.

Carlo:

Alex, this ring embodies my commitment and devotion to you in marriage. With it, I promise to accept you as you accept me: unconditionally and without exception or reservation. I promise to challenge and inspire you, as you challenge and inspire me, emotionally and physically. I promise to love you when it’s easy, and when it’s hard; when times are good and when they’re bad; and when you move quickly and when you take eight years to do something.

(pause for laughter) [Yes, he really did write that pause in. Good thing people laughed.]

I promise to be your best friend, your soulmate, and your partner in everything life throws at us. I will love you with all my heart, and be proud to call you my wife, and to be your husband.

Alex rings Carlo.

Alex:

Carlo, this ring embodies the past eight years that we have shared together and represents the new beginning to our life together, as wife and husband. With this ring, I promise to always love you as you are and to continue growing and strengthening our relationship. The last eight years with you have changed me as a person, now that I know what it feels like to be unconditionally loved by you, even if I’m not always the easiest person to love.

I promise to keep challenging you, so we can strive toward being the best that we can be, both as individuals but more importantly as a couple. I look forward to loving you more with each year that we are married and spending the rest of my life with my true soulmate. I love you and am proud to become your wife and share all of life’s adventures with you.

David: Dear friends, by the power vested in me by the State of California and the Internet, I now pronounce that you are husband and wife. Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to introduce the married couple of Alex Codlin and Carlo Longino. You may now kiss, hug, and celebrate this moment with all of us who love you.

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